No title to convey....
These days I seem to be dealing with some pretty heavy issues. Lots of things weighing on me, speaking to me. Screaming actually...This post is about single moms and how we arrive here. This is based only on my experiences and the shared experiences of women in my life.
For those that don't know, I'm a realtor and property manager for a Realty company. I manage about 40 properties around Jacksonville. All single family residential stuff. I deal with a lot of great people and also with plenty of people, that after conversations, I sit there saying what the fuck?!?! That really is neither here nor there...just some background info.
I have a tenant, a single mom, that works her ass off everyday to provide for her child. A wonderful, sweet and kind hearted women. She has not payed her rent this month and actually she didn't pay last month but we were holding a 2nd security deposit on her and I made a deal with her that she could use that for July's rent if she payed on time for 6 months straight. So now it's August 22nd and no rent. I called last week to find out what was going on and her baby's father has decided to discontinue child support. He has been paying steadily for 3 years so she never felt the need to have it court appointed. Not smart but I do understand her desire to not rock the boat if all is going well. I was in a similar situation with my daughter's father but decided rocking was better than getting stiffed...(again...wink wink). She can't afford it. So the owner has been blowing up my phone asking where their money is. I, being the rebel that I am, have been avoiding them trying to buy her some time. It has become unavoidable and today I had to take the dreaded call. They want me to evict her. OH. MY. GOD. This women and her 3 yr old daughter. I cried most of the day thinking about her situation. I can't do it. I can't be the force that puts the wheels of her eviction in motion. Granted, the first step is a 3 day notice. So she'll have Thurs., Fri., and until 5pm Mon to come up with whatever amount she is short. Still....this goes against my morals as a human being. I know it's my job and we all do things in our jobs that we don't like, but kick a poor women and her child out to the proverbial curb? Goes beyond pushing paper if you ask me.
So today I dealt and it brought about a lot of soulful thinking and righteous anger on my part. I want to kick this guy's ass. Shove my foot so far up it that he can taste yesterdays breakfast. Arg...I'm mad.
It brings me to this question. (I've actually asked myself this question often.)
How is it that fathers can just walk away? Shun all responsibilities, turn the corner, and be done. Just like that. I know. I know. Not all father's are like that but a surprising number of them are ( and some women but less heard of than in men). I think it would be a physical impossibility for me to abandon my children. It would be like tearing off an appendage only worse. Can you imagine ripping off an arm or leg? Gah..never. I can't imagine not seeing their faces. Smelling their sweet skin and holding them close. It starts this ache deep within me to even think about never seeing them again. But plenty of men just walk away.
Being a mother is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Holding my 2 babies in my arms completes me in a way I never thought possible. I have finally learned what love really is. These 2 little beings have changed my life, made me a better person. They have made me realize just what I'm made out of. What I, this one tiny person in the grand scheme of things, can do. It fascinates me.
This topic makes me so hot with anger, my blood coagulates.
(Staring at the blinking cursor wondering what to say next...could be here for hours.)
I have friends who planned their child only to have daddy do nothing when the babe arrived. Saying things like "I don't feel like holding the baby when I get home from work" or "I don't want to babysit." "Feeding the baby is your job, so is changing diapers and comforting the cries. I'm only here for playtime, that's my job." What??? What did you just say?
This is not and I repeat, not an attack on men. I know plenty of wonderful men and wonderful father's. Today just got me boiling. Well, today and the last few weeks with my soon to be ex husband and the last few years with my daughter's father.
No, I'm not bitter.
For those that don't know, I'm a realtor and property manager for a Realty company. I manage about 40 properties around Jacksonville. All single family residential stuff. I deal with a lot of great people and also with plenty of people, that after conversations, I sit there saying what the fuck?!?! That really is neither here nor there...just some background info.
I have a tenant, a single mom, that works her ass off everyday to provide for her child. A wonderful, sweet and kind hearted women. She has not payed her rent this month and actually she didn't pay last month but we were holding a 2nd security deposit on her and I made a deal with her that she could use that for July's rent if she payed on time for 6 months straight. So now it's August 22nd and no rent. I called last week to find out what was going on and her baby's father has decided to discontinue child support. He has been paying steadily for 3 years so she never felt the need to have it court appointed. Not smart but I do understand her desire to not rock the boat if all is going well. I was in a similar situation with my daughter's father but decided rocking was better than getting stiffed...(again...wink wink). She can't afford it. So the owner has been blowing up my phone asking where their money is. I, being the rebel that I am, have been avoiding them trying to buy her some time. It has become unavoidable and today I had to take the dreaded call. They want me to evict her. OH. MY. GOD. This women and her 3 yr old daughter. I cried most of the day thinking about her situation. I can't do it. I can't be the force that puts the wheels of her eviction in motion. Granted, the first step is a 3 day notice. So she'll have Thurs., Fri., and until 5pm Mon to come up with whatever amount she is short. Still....this goes against my morals as a human being. I know it's my job and we all do things in our jobs that we don't like, but kick a poor women and her child out to the proverbial curb? Goes beyond pushing paper if you ask me.
So today I dealt and it brought about a lot of soulful thinking and righteous anger on my part. I want to kick this guy's ass. Shove my foot so far up it that he can taste yesterdays breakfast. Arg...I'm mad.
It brings me to this question. (I've actually asked myself this question often.)
How is it that fathers can just walk away? Shun all responsibilities, turn the corner, and be done. Just like that. I know. I know. Not all father's are like that but a surprising number of them are ( and some women but less heard of than in men). I think it would be a physical impossibility for me to abandon my children. It would be like tearing off an appendage only worse. Can you imagine ripping off an arm or leg? Gah..never. I can't imagine not seeing their faces. Smelling their sweet skin and holding them close. It starts this ache deep within me to even think about never seeing them again. But plenty of men just walk away.
Being a mother is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Holding my 2 babies in my arms completes me in a way I never thought possible. I have finally learned what love really is. These 2 little beings have changed my life, made me a better person. They have made me realize just what I'm made out of. What I, this one tiny person in the grand scheme of things, can do. It fascinates me.
This topic makes me so hot with anger, my blood coagulates.
(Staring at the blinking cursor wondering what to say next...could be here for hours.)
I have friends who planned their child only to have daddy do nothing when the babe arrived. Saying things like "I don't feel like holding the baby when I get home from work" or "I don't want to babysit." "Feeding the baby is your job, so is changing diapers and comforting the cries. I'm only here for playtime, that's my job." What??? What did you just say?
This is not and I repeat, not an attack on men. I know plenty of wonderful men and wonderful father's. Today just got me boiling. Well, today and the last few weeks with my soon to be ex husband and the last few years with my daughter's father.
No, I'm not bitter.
posted by Summer at 5:51 PM
2 Comments:
Holy crap...I just wrot the antithisis to this post!
Haven't checked your blog in a while...have to say, I'm glad you're rid of your (now ex-)husband. No one deserves the treatment he was giving you.
Anyway, Dh is so googly over Baby E. Sometimes I am suspicious he loves her more than me! (I know, I know, it's a different kind of love.) He loves excuses to pick her up and cuddle her. And believe me, he is not Mr. Sensitive. Ha ha So I really have no idea how a man could not feel ripped apart by even the idea of leaving his child.
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